Diligent Joy

The saying goes, “Happiness is the Journey, NOT the destination.” It is a statement we have heard over and over again, in one way or another. However, finding joy and happiness in each day is something our society still consistently struggles with. Instead of setting goals and enjoying the path to accomplishing those goals, we hold ourselves hostage during the process. We will not allow ourselves to eat out until we lose 10 more pounds. No more shopping sprees until that promotion at work comes along. No relationships until the ultimate career goal is reached. And it goes on and on and on.

But then, what happens? We obtain what we believe will make us happy…lost those 10 pounds; offered a raise; graduated from college…and we indulge! We celebrate by treating ourselves to various “splurges” in life. And the next thing you know, not only are the 10 pounds back knocking on the door, but they brought their little brother, the additional 5 pounds with them. We spent so much money on our shopping spree that, although making 3% more, you find yourself backed in a corner and needing to take out a pay-day loan.

Every single day in life requires that we make a conscious decision to be joyful. We must be DILIGENT at striving and working for and towards true joy. Without consciously seeking for joy, we leave ourselves wide open for the influence of negativity to infiltrate our hearts and minds, and eventually take over. It seems innocent, and happens slowly, but the act of not striving for joy is just the same as denying joy.

The scriptures very clearly tell us that, “Men are that they might have joy.” Do we fully understand the weight of that statement? We ARE here, living this life, that we might have JOY!!! How incredible is that? To know that it is truly out there, waiting for us to diligently seek for that joy, is incredibly inspiring. I know there are days that I just forget to simply ask for joy as I go throughout my day, or I get too caught up in the chaos in the day and allow the stress, exhaustion, or doubt take over my heart’s capacity to feel that joy. We all do, because we are human. But think about how incredible life could be, each day, if we had some kind of reminder…a note on the mirror, a reminder on our phone or computer, something to remind us to diligently seek for joy every single day. It still may not happen, but if we can continually strive for it, our heart’s capacity to feel joy will become more constant. We will be more passionate people. We will be more conscious of how we treat and speak to others. When tough times do hit, we will be more capable of dealing with and conquering them because joy outweighs all the doubt and negativity!
Just because we are able to be experiencing diligent joy, does not mean we will not have rough days or situations. It simply means we will be better equipped to deal with and work through those tough situations that, at times, can feel overwhelming and impossible. Please believe me, however, it IS absolutely possible!

As I have been striving for joy, very diligently (specifically for the past 4 months), I have identified so many incredible blessings in my life. Things in my life have finally made sense. I have been able to heal from years of confusion, unanswered questions, and deeply rooted pain. This pain literally began back when I was 6 years old when someone took something from me that I could never get back. This person hurt me in ways that, although at the time were stuffed away, have never fully left me. That situation turned into a plethora of trapped emotions that started an extremely destructive spiraling pattern in my life, at the tender age of 6 years old. Then later on, in 5th grade, another person tainted my innocence and attempted to take more from me. The situation happened at school, towards the end of the year, and for months at the beginning of my 6th grade year, I was terrified to go to school. I never knew why at the time, but through my healing and search to be diligently joyful (20 years later), I have been able to connect the dots. I have realized that my fear of school stemmed directly back to a VERY bad decision this person made, that affected me very deeply as a 10 year old, innocent little girl.
Sure, I could be angry and resentful towards these people. But as I go through the pain of the healing process, I am able to process my anger and resentment in a very productive way, and truly let go. I don’t want to hold on to that anger or resentment any longer. I want to make room for true, genuine joy in my life, heart and mind, and work on being compassionate towards all around me. It is not my place to judge those that very deeply hurt me. It is only my place to learn to forgive, to move on, to LET GO of the pain and shame that were so deeply rooted in these situations. And, I can honestly say, with some very supportive friends, amazing energy therapists and healing massage therapy, and of course, the help and guidance of my Savior, I am able to let go of those negative feelings more and more every single day. I am feeling more joyful on a more consistent basis and am so excited at the future that lies directly ahead of me.

I genuinely pray we ALL will be able to diligently strive for genuine joy as we go through this mess we call life, and understand and accept that though there will still be tough situations and frustrating things take place, with diligent joy we are truly bette equipped to truly face the issues head on, not be afraid of the outcome, and trust and have the faith that we are making the right deicision. I can't see how choosing to live in misery can be the right thing to do. That was never the intention of God sending us to live and survive this life time. What do you want? Misery and despair? Or joy and happiness and ANSWERS?!?

May You Have Fair Winds and Following Seas...

I was 23 years old and felt I was in the trenches. I had lived 23 years doing EVERY single thing that was asked of me. I was very active in church - never denied a calling - attended all the activities - attended church every Sunday. I worked my tail off trying to be as close to perfect as I could possibly, HUMANLY, achieve. I excelled in high school and college - played on every soccer league I could squeeze in my schedule - had a good relationship with my parents and family and would do anything to spend time with my nieces. On the surface, I was the "model" daughter, student, athlete, friend, mormon, etc...

However, between 23 and 24 years old, I began sinking. I was this buoy, bobbing around in this vast ocean of truth and beauty. But as I slowly lost touch with the spirit, I began losing that uplifting buoyancy and lost sight of the surface and the horizon, every subtly sinking into the darkness below. See, anger is heavy and can and WILL weigh down anyone and anything with it's negative energy. Despair clouds our vision causing us to lose sight of the path ahead. And here I was, wanting nothing more in life than a husband and family, neither of which I had yet been blessed with, causing that despair and fear to suffocate my every last breath. As I watched friend after friend getting married or having children, I smiled and congratulated them with this immaculate mask of excitement and joy. But under that mask, tears filled my soul...despair broke my heart time after time until I was sure the only thing that remained of my heart was its ability to beat each painful, desperate beat, attempting to keep me alive and afloat.
And then the fear imposed itself on my soul, like life-sucking barnacles weighing me down and pulling me into the darkness below. I felt hopeless. There was no one there to help set me free of the demons and fears that snuck up on me, one by one, until I no longer recognized my own spirit or soul. I was not living...only surviving. I became this permeable membrane, allowing the doubt and despair to penetrate my spirit so painfully deep that I literally let go of the loving, protective armor of God.

However, I am beginning to realize that the armor, the ever-loving shield of God has never floated away. It has NOT been swept away by the storms of life or the crashing waves or the vicious creatures circling round. That armor, MY armor, is still peacefully floating directly above me, beckoning me to let go of the struggle that lies beneath me, and simply reach above me and grasp that armor, holding on with EVERY bit of faith I can muster. I am slowly learning to detach myself from these life-sucking, heavy barnacles and obstacles in life, and begin fighting my way back to the surface where I can CLING to that armor that God has so lovingly sent to me, and allowed me access to AS I CHOOSE. It's cliche, but can't help it...If it is to be, it is up to ME!

I am learning to slowly breakthrough those traumas in life that have weighed me down, that have skewed my compass, that have completely sunk my spirit and passion in life. I am working my way back to the surface, the life-giving horizon filled with sun and light. I KNOW with all my heart it is there. HE is there...HE is beckoning me to make that leap of faith and grab hold to that armor that will build my spirit and fill my soul. Life will bring storms, the tempest will rage, the waves will crash...but with the armor of God as our most vital flotation device, we will survive, and stay afloat, and survive to see the clouds breaking and the sun shining through. May you have fair winds and following seas as you venture out in life, always clinging to that armor of God and having the flotation device of faith and love and the TRUE word of God!